Grief can be a tricky emotion to navigate, but for many of us the experience is very much like the waves on the sea. To begin with those waves are like a tsunami, hitting us unexpectedly with a force that we can’t control and can’t escape however hard we try. But, as time passes they become a little less powerful and we become more adept at surfing the waves than being knocked down by them. Since my mum passed away it has taken me a good year to get to a place where I’m aware that the gaps between those waves are getting wider, and I can enjoy the moments of still clear water before I have to jump the next one or just let it wash over me.
A few weeks ago I bought a tomato plant. I didn’t think anything of it as I was choosing it, or paying for it, or taking it to the car, but as me and my tomato plant began the journey home a wave hit. The sweet aroma of tomatoes suddenly found its way to my olfactory nerves and there it was the ‘Ivy wave’, forceful enough to create a need to pull over and be still as I let the wave pass. My mum wasn’t one for perfumes but for as long as I can remember she always grew tomatoes. One day in the home when she was feeling particularly low she said “I don’t even have any tomatoes to water” well that was my cue, off I went to the garden centre and by the evening she had 2 tomato plants growing on her window sill. It didn’t take much to put a smile on a sad face and the standing joke in the home was that she would soon be selling tomatoes on a stall outside her room. Had she lived to see the first tomato that wouldn’t have surprised me.
A couple of days ago I discovered the first shiny red jewel hanging amongst the green leaves of my tomato plant and picking it with pride I popped it into my mouth. How could I not be filled with thoughts of my mum? When I was a little girl she used to cut them up into little pieces and sprinkle sugar on them which I’m sure would be frowned on now but It certainly tasted good. As I crunched down on my first home-grown tomato my mouth was filled with the fresh sweet taste of the little red fruit and my mind was filled with fresh sweet memories.
I may not be reminded of my mum as I go past the perfume counter in boots and get a waft of ‘Eau de something’, but I think as I follow in my mums footsteps and become the next generation of tomato growers that I will remember my mum for the smell of ‘Parfum de tomate’ .
Love Alison x
Through rose tinted glasses. 
Ah tomatoes – a similar reason for starting a veggie garden for us. My Dad always wanted an allotment but other things got in the way. This year we planted 26 plants and have been bottling, freezing like mad to save them all. Dad would have given me good advice on how to manage them better than we had and he would have loved to have shared them too. Gardens are great places for memories.
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They certainly are. I only have one tomato plant but its doing well and the smell and taste are exactly as I said. Thanks for reading my post.
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Reblogged this on Through rose tinted glasses. and commented:
While having a play around with my blog layout as I felt I needed a little spark of freshness, I came across this blog I wrote at some point after my mum had died. It did me so much good reading it and realizing how life has a way of moving us forward. I still miss her but it is a kinder feeling now and that is what she would have wanted.
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Thank you for sharing your grief as well as good, sweet memories. I miss my mom too, and tomatoes are forever connected with her.
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I think we will always miss them in one way or another. I will always think of my mum whenever I grow my own tomatoes.
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Gorgeous plant and what a wonderful tribute to your mom. 💕
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Thank you Lisa.
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I’m always amazed at how a smell can evoke memories and transport us back! Beautiful memories Alison!
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Yes, it is amazing how we connect to different sensations and feelings. They are good memories and I’m glad I re-read that post and realized just how far I have come.
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Loved your post Alison, very poignant but filled with promise of better tomorrows
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This is a very touching post, Alison. It reminds me of the madeleine cakes of Marcel Proust. When melting in his mouth it reminded him of his childhood. In my case, this phenomena happens with essential oils and coffee, both are linked to my mother. Wishing you peace and lots of beautiful tomatoes.
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Thank you, Our sense of smell Is so strongly linked with our emotions isn’t it. Good to have those links though I think.
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Definitely! I found this information on the Web for you. Thought you might like to know. “Incoming smells are first processed by the olfactory bulb, which starts inside the nose and runs along the bottom of the brain. The olfactory bulb has direct connections to two brain areas that are strongly implicated in emotion and memory: the amygdala and hippocampus. Interestingly, visual, auditory (sound), and tactile (touch) information do not pass through these brain areas. This may be why olfaction, more than any other sense, is so successful at triggering emotions and memories.” On my way to buy myself a new bottle of perfume! ❤️
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