Im sitting reading in the afternoon sun. Every so often a dandelion seed or ‘Fairy’ or sometimes a group of fairies passes by on the autumnal breeze, ever so gently tickling my skin. I catch one and wonder at its delicate form, then let it go to continue its journey. I wonder where it will finally come to rest, and envy its ability to float along so effortlessly. Another group passes quietly by, four or five in a circle, attached, seemingly holding hands like a group of girls playing ‘ring o roses’ They spin and dance in front of me, up and down, round and round, until a gust of wind carries them away to their final destination.
It is said that ‘To blow on a dandelion while making a wish carries your wish on the wind. The significance of the dandelion is that it is so good at spreading seeds far and wide which have the ability to take root in the harshest of conditions, adding weight to the idea that your wish has a good chance of surviving.’ I make my wish, and ask that I too will be able to stand strong as life blows me in each new direction.
The sun is warm on my skin and the gentle breeze is a welcome whisper, creating a perfect setting to sit and digest anothers thoughts, whilst also pondering my own.
Putting my book down for a while I lift my gaze to the scenery around me. A panoramic Peak District vista of incredible beauty and calm. The soft greens of the fields and trees, broken occasionally by the slither of silver as a stone wall claims its boundary. This scene spreads out before me until it meets the uncrumpled sheet of blue as the crystal clear sky defines its end. Whoever said “blue and green shoud never be seen” was not sat where I am today.
Autumn is not far away and there are some little signs of a changing season already. A slight reddening of the occasional leaf on a bush, a hint of rusty brown in a still green wood. My favourite season is on its way. I love the smells, the colours and the coziness that Autumn brings. Summer is often a season of disappointment especially in England, and this year has been no exception. A few sunny days here and there but nothing that you could rely on. Autumn on the other hand knows what she should do, and we know what to expect from her so its a win win season for me. I can’t wait to see the scenery changing into its autumn glory.
Change! Why do we struggle so much with that word, or is it just something I find hard? The seasons change, we change and life changes. I am told that the one constant in life is change, but when it comes it can still be tough to navigate. I do wish sometimes that we could just freeze our favourite moment, our most happy time and stay there, but I guess to do that would be to make a decision to halt growth, and when there is no growth there is death. Now that sounds morbid!
My life is changing again and in so many ways I wish it wasn’t. I have tried, we have tried (twice) but suffice to say change is around the corner and there is no looking back. There is only one way to go and that is forward. Im so thankful that my favourite season ‘Autumn’ is here to help me on my way.
I have a quote which I held onto from a blog I read last year. It was an Apace Prayer and I have taken it on as my mantra for this season in my life.
‘Looking back I am filled with gratitude. Looking forward I am filled with vision. Looking upwards I am filled with strength and Looking within, I discover Peace.
It’s’ such a positive way to feel about life and even though I am struggling inside with a little fear and trepidation for the future, I am also thankful for the time shared, memories made and experiences lived. If it hadn’t been for my time with ‘The Lord of the Manor’ I would never have experienced such beauty, and in many ways my life has changed for the better, and I am thankful for that. .
So what’s ahead. As yet I don’t know. Some time to myself to create a place I can call home. A place to lay my head and my heart and a place where I can adjust, and in time look forward to a new future. I have no desire to return to the city from whence I came, but for Simons’ sake I maybe need to be a bit closer. I pray I will find a perfect little place with at least a glimpse of the countyside as it has become something that comforts and fills my soul.
Today is a new day and I have just walked Jess into the field to take some photos of a beautiful morning. I was hit with a learning curve as my dandelion fairies were not dandelion fairies at all, but thistle fairies. They are abundant in the field beyond our garden and are all going to seed. No wonder I was so encaptured by them as the autumn wind blew them across my path yesterday. Life is definitely a learning journey. Im not sure I am always ready for the lesson but I learned something new this morning and hope i can continue to be open to what life has to teach me.
I ask for 3 things.
1. Patience, with myself and others as I work through this time of change
2. Kindness towards myself and others. It is most definitely the best way forward.
3. Friendship, words of comfort from those who know you best and want the best for you. Hugs gratefully received.
And so begins a new journey…..I wonder where this 58 year old fairy will come to rest as the winds of change blow her in a new direction.
Love Alison x